So just a head's up, this post is going to be a little more serious than the rest. I don't know if it will be the only one of it's kind (probably not), but I just wanted to warn you. This stuff ain't for the faint of heart.
Anyway, on with the show!
So college. It's great. I love it. I love the people, I love the atmosphere, I love the responsibility.
Wait, you're telling me I actually have to do stuff with my life after I get out? And I have to decide now what that's going to be?
...and here we have the age old dilemma of college kids everywhere.
And let me just start by saying that there are NEARLY enough Pre-Majors (undeclared, undecided, whatever you wanna call it) in the world. Seriously. The number of people that change majors is ridiculous. Why people even declare majors going into college is beyond me.
That being said, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life after college. Not that I've made much progress, but still. Because I do have to decide soon. So, you know, I can actually study and prepare for it and graduate on time. College is awesome, but I'm not staying longer than I have to.
When I was younger (think elementary through middle school) I was so convinced I was going to be a computer programmer/engineer. Then when I got into high school, I realized something: I don't know jack shit about computers. Sure, I was on the computer all the time, but there were people that had built their own computers. That stuff was over my head. So that was out. After taking AP Psychology my senior year of high school, a class I enjoyed immensely, I decided to look at psychology once I got into college. Granted, I didn't declare a psych major. I just took a seminar class to get a feel for it. After writing that research paper, proud as I was of it, I realized that if I had to write one more research paper, I was going to jab a frozen banana in my eye (I detest bananas, so that's why that's funny). So that was out as well.
Which brings me to the present. After writing last week's post, and talking to a friend about music and stuff, I started seriously considering a Music Education major. As we all know, I LOVE music. And I've always thought about teaching.
But as with any thought I have about my future, I encounter the same question (Here's where things get deep. I'm about to drop a serious-bomb on you all. Feel free to turn back now):
What if I'm not good enough?
I've always struggled with self-confidence, be it with sports, girls, or just plain outgoingness (if that's not a word, it is now. You heard it here first). And as much as I love music, I've always been haunted by this question in my musical endeavors. There are SO many better musicians out there. I sing and can play a minuscule amount of piano. I know some people who play upwards of 6 or 7 instruments. And there are plenty of singers out there better than I am. I can barely sightread music or play piano. How the heck can I expect to be able to teach anyone else how to? All my life I've been surrounded by music, and all my life I've been surrounded by people better at it than me.
I've been surrounded by people better than me at everything, for that matter. I think Nate Ruess of fun. put it best when he said (err...sang) "I am a man of many hats, although I never mastered anything." Of all the song lyrics out there, this line is one I identify with most. I'm a very adaptable person. In fact, it's one of the things I pride myself most on. I can pick things up relatively quickly and acquire a certain skill level within a fairly short amount of time. But I've never quite mastered anything. I'm certainly not the smartest person out there, not the most musically talented, I still have a long way to go as far as ultimate frisbee goes, and I'm pretty mediocre at video games given how often I play them. More often than not, I'll pick something up, or get an idea, and after the initial few weeks of excitement, I just get away from it.
SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!?
I'm so scared that I'm never going to find that one job that I'm passionate about, that I want to make a career out of. And I'm even more scared that I won't be good at whatever I choose to do.
Life man. It's scary stuff.
So yeah. That's about it. Sorry to pour out my heart and soul on you. Although I did warn you. This rant was more for my benefit, but I'm happy to share my innermost workings with you anyway. Thanks so much for reading. It means a lot. It's the reason I feel comfortable enough to say stuff like this. I love you all! Yes, even you. You know who you are.
Just to end on a happier note: puffins. Seriously, the puffin is like 100% happiness. They're so freaking cute. And what's more, they mate for life. That's true love, right there. Upon mating, puffins make cliff-side homes for their young to live in. They even make a side room for the toilet! How awesome is that?
Alright, that should do it for tonight. Thanks for stopping by! Tune in next week! Puffins.
No comments:
Post a Comment